The infertile are often terrified of the power of the jinx.
Being around baby stuff is depressing as it is, but there’s nothing worse than buying a special item and it hanging around the house, reminding you of your empty womb. So most of us don’t buy things.
Even though we want to.
I remember those initial exciting times of trying to get pregnant. I looked at adorable baby things, made Amazon wish lists, dreamed about nurseries and how I would surprise my husband. Eventually, though, those wee bits and pieces that I had collected needed to be given away. It was just too hard.
It’s not to say I don’t still have things. I maybe have 1 or 2 items left, stored away. I’m sometimes compelled to buy when I see something a bit special or sentimental. But I try to keep it in check. I veer wildly between wanting to be optimistic, and not wanting to have reminders making me feel too sad.
Then there’s making plans. We start off thinking about how getting pregnant will affect certain events or trips in our lives. Eventually, 18 months later, you realise that you just need to live your life. Plans can change. Your life may be totally different in a year.
But there’s still that worry about the jinx. What if buying that onesie ruined it this month? What if planning to be the sober driver this weekend is just asking for trouble? What if realising the baby would be due on an important date meant that it will no longer happen?
It’s hard to get out of your head sometimes. But buy things if you want to. Plan fun things in your life – Lord knows with infertility stress you need them. Let go a little and don’t worry about upsetting some superstitious order of things. Because maybe that onesie will bring so much joy to someone else, if you need to pass it on. Protect your heart and hold back if you need to. But sadly we often have no say in whether we will get to have this experience, and if you want to dream?
Dream a little.
I relate to this so much. Thanks for posting it ❤
I’m glad, hope you are doing ok!
Another great post.
I bought a few things I really like (because they can actually be delivered to Switzerland, which is a miracle in its own right!), but they live in my “presents drawer”. A few things have already been given away to people who had babies in between. More will probably go as other people in my life inevitably conceive AND give birth before I even get to the conceiving stage.
Yeah I think I’ll definitely hang on to a few things and try not to give up hope. xx
I’m always scared of jinxing things! I have been too scared to buy anything for our future baby since if it doesn’t work out I think it could just be extra sad then. In Ireland some people are very superstitious and don’t buy anything until after a baby is born!
I can understand that! It’s terrifying. But I have told myself that someone else will be so happy when I give them what I have kept aside, if I have to. Hugs to you ❤
Pingback: Hope and twee | koru and thistle