Tips for Making A Baby: Words from the TTC Boards

Did you know that once you start “trying” your body and brain may team up and actually change your cycle on you, just to fuck with you?

You may ovulate on different days each month. You may only ovulate every other month. You may ovulate but have such a short luteinising hormone surge that you can’t tell if you’re ovulating because the ovulation kit won’t pick it up. You may get a surge that actually means nothing and you actually ovulate a week later (haha, got you!)

How’s your cervical fluid going? What’s it look like? What does it feel like? Have you felt around up near your cervix to check it and chart it? How much is there? Is that sticky or creamy? You need to know this. This tells you everything! YOU MUST KNOW YOUR FLUID

Did you wake up and take your temperature today? BEFORE MOVING? You didn’t roll over to get the thermometer, did you?  You’re not a mouth-breather, are you?  You might need to temp vaginally.  Did you have 5-6 hours sleep? Is it the same time you took it yesterday? ARE YOU STILL ABOVE YOUR COVERLINE?

Is your cervix high or low? Is it open? Is it soft? Is it firm? Does it feel like your nose or your chin? DOES IT FEEL LIKE THE TIP OF YOUR NOSE? Did you check it at the same time as yesterday?  You’re feeling it wrong.

It’s not my period coming, it’s totally early pregnancy cramps! Did you know it feels the same? Did you know the FIRST SIGNS and your period feel the same?!

Oh you don’t know all the acronyms? AF, TTC, BT, DTD, O, FMU, DPO, CM, CF, OPK, HCG, HPT?

Are you taking Agnus Castus? B6? Vitamin D? Omega-3? Folic acid? A full prenatal vitamin? Otherwise your BABY WILL NEVER HAPPEN AND/OR WILL DIE

There is no TMI anymore! Look at this picture of my discharge. Is this normal? It’s kinda gross.

Don’t stress about it, though. Stress affects your cycle. Stress can delay your period. Are you stressed? Stop stressing!

Have more sex! You’re not having enough! You’re not doing it in the right position!  You’re not doing it outside under a full moon! You’re not staying still afterwards for 3 hours with your butt propped up? It totally won’t find the right place to go!

I’ve got it much tougher than you. I’ve been trying for 7 years with 4 different fertility drugs and I’ve seen so many specialists and you’re just whiny.

Is this a line? I think there’s a faint line. Can anyone else see a faint line?

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5 thoughts on “Tips for Making A Baby: Words from the TTC Boards

  1. Pingback: Real men don’t fail | Breaking up with contraception

  2. That reminds me of when I joined some TTC facebook groups and suddenly when I’d log in to facebook I’d see pictures cervical mucus in my news feed! Was a little grossed out by it to be honest!! And of course once you go to a fertility doctor you have to answer invasive questions about how often you have sex.

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    • Yeah I don’t think sharing those kind of pictures are necessary! I know some apps allow them with a TMI filter over the top.

      I don’t find the questions from the Dr invasive, though I understand how they can be awkward to start with – some people are simply not having sex at the right time, and don’t understand how to time it correctly. I laugh a bit at those questions now, but I do understand why they feel the need to ask them!

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