Today, I ache.
It’s always the same – when you want a red convertible, all you’ll see on the road are red convertibles. When you want a puppy, all you’ll see are puppies. When you dream of visiting Greece, suddenly you’ll notice all the Greek holidays available and all the people you know taking them and the photos will be more obvious to you.
It’s not that these things are happening more. It’s just that when you want something, your brain looks for it. You notice it more and it seems like everyone in the world is doing/having/experiencing what you want.
For me now, it’s pregnant women. It’s babies. They’re on commercials, every TV show, every blog, all over social media. People are losing babies, having babies, trying for babies. And no one seems to talk about how hard it is. Everyone just gets pregnant. No one seems to be struggling – I literally only see talk about it on my TTC boards. I need to be on TTC boards with some truly crazy people to actually be able to discuss the state of my womb.
And it’s not that I’m infertile. I have no idea if I even have any issues (they refuse to test you until you’ve been trying for 12 months; 6 if you’re over 35) but the 20-30% chance you have every month, even if you are doing absolutely everything right? No one says this. The fact that you have a 6 day window every month and it still might not work? No one says this. The fact that as soon as you start trying, your body might start trolling you? No one says this. People get knocked up left and right without trying. People are surprised by this every day without thinking about it, and yet there are huge communities of people online desperately charting and counting and trying and failing.
It’s depressing and exhausting and oh my word, today.. today, I just ache.